come a mess.

i started out quite a mess yesterday.  i had a ton of morning adrenaline, a headache, combined with a very specific expectation for the day: a recipe for disaster.  inflexible expectations don't leave a lot of room for graciousness.  in pursuit of my very "righteous" desires (getting to women's bible study), i held so tightly to my "needs" (time away from the kids and with adults) that when they were not being met i began to shut down.  my heart was just so hardened to everything that was getting in the way of what i wanted.  i left church so embarrassed.  i couldn't believe how out of control my frustration had gotten.  for the first time ever i think, i actually just thought, "well, i can't change it, but i can repent for it. i'm not perfect and i never will be."  the honest truth is that in the past i would have dwelled on that hour until next week when i would have made sure to be the happiest, peppiest, most put together person present in order to push out anyone's memory of my miserable attitude from the week before; basically believing that i can save my reputation, that i can make myself appear perfect.  wow it is so freeing to just repent instead! to seek God's graciousness and to believe that His Son's perfection and righteousness can cover up all of my mess.